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blockbuster. Whether you think our movies suck or not, at least we can proudly say they didn't cost millions
of dollars. Imagine how many starving people could've been saved with the budget of "Catwoman" alone!
by Joe
Yep, Catwoman! That's right, I watched Catwoman! I'm flabbergasted. I don't
even know where to begin. I mean, for fuck's sake she says at one point, and
I quote: "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" while she's holding
somebody's tongue! AND THEY'RE SERIOUS! I mean I laughed, but at
them, not with them. Then she walks by a dog on the street and she hisses
like a cat. HISSES LIKE A FUCKING CAT! C'MON! I turned red, I was
embarrassed! Now I know its based on a comic book and can't be taken too
seriously, but I read Batman comics growing up and Catwoman was a regular
chick who could kick ass and was a cat burglar. I don't know where she got
these Spiderman-rip-off-Cat-like powers from. Oh, I know, from a computer
generated cat! And apparently this has been going on throughout history!
FUCK YOU! Oh yeah, to introduce Benjamin Bratt's character, they have
Hallie Berry's character, Patience (What the fuck kind of name..?) climb out
her 4th story window and climb on the ledge to save some cat she doesn't
even know! I wondered: "did they make this movie with the intention of
showing other people?" "maybe Hallie Berry is crying out for help?" I sadly
admit I wanted her to fall! The story: I said at one point, "My ass has been
writing screenplays again!" and they credited 3 guys for the script. 3
FUCKING GUYS WROTE THIS SHITFEST! Those 3 guys should never
work again. The "very" special effects: laughable. Every two seconds a
computer generated Hallie Berry would fade into the real Hallie Berry after
pointless Spiderman jumps and shit. Looked like my ass learned how to use
a computer effects program! Terrible. The action was so bad but it was funny
because you could practically see the director saying to himself, "this action
scene is going to revolutionize Hollywood action scenes, just like the Matrix!"
Of course he was wrong 'cos the action (especially the basketball scene) was
terrible. Hallie Berry, hot, but Horrendible. I'm not even sure that's a word but
it is now, Horrendible. It is a combination of horrendous and terrible. Hallie
Berry is absolutely horrendible. She's so bad I have to make up words. She's
giving X-Men 3 a hard time? She should fucking beg them to be in it. (By the
way, I saw "Monster's Ball" and aside from her naked, that movie was terrible
too. Like Chris Rock said the Academy Awards are full of shit.) In fact she
should never act again unless she's naked in it. And Sharon Stone?
Everybody should know she's a horror show. Now she's a horror show with
an indestructible face and a lesbian haircut! But she's horrible too. At least
she's consistent. Sharon, baby, please stop! Just stop! Basic Instinct was a
long time ago. JUST STOP! Don't get me wrong, I laughed with my roomate
plenty of times watching this pile of horseshit, but in fairness, my mind was
altered at the time. I laughed but I NEEDED to drink to watch this movie.
However, I had a sick, disgusting feeling when it was finished. Not only did it
take 5 Dollars out of my pocket and 2 hours from my life, I felt ill. The whole
time, I couldn't believe this thing got greenlit! I can't believe somebody OK'd
this thing! Now lets talk money. This steaming pile cost 100 Million dollars to
make and another 35 Million to market. That is 135 Million dollars Warner
Bros. spent on this embarrassing Hallie Berry movie that sucked more than
Gothika (Why I hate Hallie Berry RANT Below). Everybody at Warner Bros.
who had anything to do with this should be fired. That is the truth. Now
here's the disturbing part: the movie made 40 million in the US and 42
worldwide. This embarrassing horror show made 82 million from people in the
theaters alone. IN THE THEATERS ALONE! This is why I make Pot Monster
movies which I'm told, by some people, are somewhat enjoyable. If this piece
of shit can make 82 Million dollars why can't we make a movie with a fraction
of the money it cost to make Catwoman? This is why we make movies. I'm
gonna ask Warner Bros. for it. They fucking owe me anyway for the hangover
I got from the movie, not the drinks it took to get through the movie. Hallie
Berry = THE PITS, Catwoman = Horrendible!
It made me laugh at it, but it
made me want to vomit too!
Apparently when Hallie Berry won the "Razzie" Award for worst picture for Catwoman, she did the unthinkable, she
showed up to accept it. (apparently, nobody actually shows up to accept these awards cos it rips the recipient
apart) Some of my friends thought that this was pretty cool of her to do. While there to accept this dubious award,
she shit on Catwoman. This is why Hallie Berry Blows. When Catwoman originally came out, she was on every
talk show talking about this movie like it was Citizen Fucking Kane. She then said something about wanting to
have a bigger role in X-Men 3, or she wouldn't do it. (in fact she pulled the same shit on X-Men 2 after winning an
Oscar for Monster's Ball.) Even in the theaters, when Catwoman was dropping like a stone balloon, she said she
was interested in doing a fucking sequel! Then when its run is over and she gets a Razzie she says it sucks.
Hallie Berry, FUCK YOU! At least, when Gigli came out, Ben Affleck had enough balls to say the movie was a
piece of shit from the beginning. Remember Chris Rock laughingly said at the Oscars introducing Hallie Berry:
"And now from the hotly anticipated Catwoman 2!" and Hallie Berry walks out all flustered? That was the shit!
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