Empty Wallet Productions MovieReviews2

Code of Silence
Me and my roommate were flipping through the channels when we stumbled on this cinematic masterpiece on
the Action Movie Channel. Two words for you - Chuck F'n Norris! Unbelievable! This 1985 classic pits our
favorite bearded, mullet-ed, and (as my roommate pointed out) "wierd big faced" hero has teamed up with the
remote controlled robot "the Prowler" to taCode of Silenceke on some gangs/mob/drug cartel/whateverthefuck,
that hang out in a desserted warehouse with a homely looking female hostage! Apparently, he breaks the
"code of silence" when he goes after some cop that accidently shot a kid or some crap like that, and that's why
nobody from the force helps him but The Prowler. So anyway on to the action! To infiltrate the warehouse full
of bad guys, instead of the usual run and kick the crap out of them, our hero hangs out on a roof and remote
controls the Prowler to blow up/mow down most of the gang. Then he goes in and shoots like 35 more guys
who jump into empty cardboard boxes when shot or fall off endless catwalks. But he's not alone. The Prowler,
which before was radio controlled, now goes in and starts killing dudes without the aid of somebody driving it! I
guess the writer looked at the clock and was like, "Oh shit, this draft's due in like half an hour! The Prowler is
on its own!" At one point, when Chuck Norris runs out of ammo, he climbs up a ladder seemingly unarmed,
INSTEAD OF TAKING ONE OF THE DEAD GUYS' GUNS!!! Talk about a plot twist! But fear not, once on top
of the catwalk, Chuck pulls out a giant hand cannon he had stashed away in his jacket. Now that's f'n
suspense! Then as the Main Bad Guy, some Italian or Latin dude in a suit runs across the warehouse with an
axe to kill the homely looking chick, Chuck blows him away from like 10,000 feet away! "Chuck Norris has
good aim" as my roommate said. No doubt, dude, no doubt.

Open Water
Watched this with Steve and Mike (the Planet of the Apes expert). Woa! You know you're f'd when you come
up from scuba diving and the boat left! Understandable, considering the chick in the movie is a bi-atch!
She's the reason they booked this trip and then when it seems all hope is lost, she starts blaming the dude!
Typical chickness! So they're exhausted and they pass out, alone at sea, and a shark nips her leg, then you
think she's gonna get it! But I'm not gonna give it away. This movie is f'n creepy, definitely watch it. It had 3
grown men in one room swearing they're never going in the ocean again. Also wanted to note that Steve told
me, that the filmmakers had to have the character explain that you can't drink seawater, cos test audiences
didn't understand! C'mon people, get your head out of your asses! Its people like you who motivate these
studios to "water-down" the movies!

I've only seen a couple of mind numbing episodes of this shitfest so here's some highlights, some of which
were brought to us by Conan O'Brien!
-Walker Texas Ranger and pals in tuxedos at a wedding in a courthouse when downstairs, gun-toting
masked dudes bum rush a trial in progress and free the convict! A very sloppy gun battle ensues, led by a
tuxed-up Walker Texas Ranger blowing away everything that moves in the middle of the street in the middle
of the day! This is how the show started!
-A dude on fire is lunges at Walker Texas Ranger. Naturally, Walker Texas Ranger karate-kicks him out a
window, the flaming guy falls at least 7-8 stories out of a building into a pile of gasoline canisters on the
street, which explodes into a giant-ass fireball. If this happened in real life, in a real city, at least 30-40
people would have been killed!
-Walker Texas Ranger and some broad are chilling on ANOTHER catwalk when some dude runs toward
them shooting. Walker Texas Ranger karate-kicks the dude off the catwalk where he falls in slo-mo for like
10 minutes screaming. I think Walker Texas Ranger pulled out his gun (finally) and shot him on the way
down!
As my co-worker Rich pointed out, not once are the Miranda rights read in any episode of Walker Texas
Ranger, ever! And how bad is Texas? I've lived in the Boogie Down Bronx for a bunch of years but I'm not
stepping foot in Texas without Chuck F'n Norris watching my back!
I got to watch more of this crap! Thankfully PAX TV only shows this, America's Funniest Home Video reruns
Touched by an Angel and other church/praying crap. So PAX just shows, angels, prayers, church, babies,
cute pets, Bob Saget and people getting fucked up! God Bless America! More Chuck Norris on the way!